Elijah

In this new world, time does not exist

He sleeps, he eats, he sleeps...

His tiny fingers curl into his tiny little hands

I love him

I am in love with his every breath, his sweet baby faces, his curious eyes

He depends on only me

He needs me, but I need him

Soft new skin and milky baby breath...
I wonder what kind of things he will learn to love

Nothing matters now

Or, everything matters, but in a new way

He doesn`t care how I look, or if the house is clean

Pure, fresh innocence

We are in baby bliss

Awake and alert for a moment

I can`t look away

Kiss... kiss... kiss...

What do think about Baby?

Do you know Mommy loves you?

I want to soak in every moment

I can`t put him down

He gurgles and sighs

He is perfect

More kisses...

My body feeds him

God planned it this way

Mommy and baby, joined together

There are no words to express

Beautiful, beautiful baby

I love you...

You are in control

It took me a while to realize that everything I feel is within my control
People often choose to react to situations and act as though their feelings are out of their control
"You made me feel..."
In reality you make the choice on how you feel - no one can make you feel anything
Feelings are one of the only things we are always in control of
Something can happen that would normally anger you and instead of reacting with anger you can choose an attitude of kindness, hope, understanding...
The easy reaction is usually the most detrimental to the person reacting
It takes work to stay calm and focused
But, when you do, you are blessed with a sigh of relief, peace
When you react carelessly you are only left with stirred up feelings of resentment and regret
Next time someone says something to upset you, instead of choosing the easy way out, stop, take a breath and choose how you want to feel
You`ll be amazed and your own reactions
Often times a few moments of careful thought help you realize you aren`t angry at all
No one can upset you and you win!
You are in control of how you feel
Once you realize this, you`ll feel empowered
Your feeling are yours - you decide how you feel, you decide who you are...
You are in control of you!

A Thought

Wondering what it would take to freeze this moment and come back at a later time
I close my eyes and try to engrave it in my mind forever
Once as a child I took a picture of a day in my head
Years later I visited it as though it were yesterday
I can still see a glimpse of it when I try, but memories fade away if we don`t share them
Something that you want to keep with you forever, will quickly become a piece of who you are
But, you may not realize what brought you to this place
Unless... you have breathed it in and turned to make it into something substantial
We need to feel, touch, smell, see, hear...
Once that`s gone we have nothing
Often times we mistake our past with a dream we had, a book we read or a movie we saw
How can you be certain that your memories are real?
If it`s okay with you, I`ll take what I have, real or fake... because all of it made me who I am
But, I will be careful about how I move forward
Not everything I encounter should become part of me
I am aware enough to acknowledge the difference, at least part of the time
Some of what I carry is a burden
But, I`m learning
When we learn, we grow... and when we grow we remember how limitless we are
It`s important to know you`re never complete
This way we can keep expanding
So, I will open my ears as well as my heart
And, I will take what I need and leave the rest for someone else
This is how it should be

(rainer maria rilke)

i beg you.... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don`t search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer...

For My Unborn Son

May your eyes always be full of beauty and wonder

May your heart never stop searching for love

May your arms embrace life frequently

May your lungs inhale God`s breath

May your voice express your thoughts and heart beautifully

May your toes touch many foreign lands

May your fingers callus with the fulfillment of hard work

May your checks be brushed with every season

May your stomach be filled with unique enjoyment

May your nose inhale the wonderment around you

May your ears be blessed with magical notes

May your brain connect with boundless surprises

May your mind be open to every limitless possibility

May your legs take you on adventurous journeys

May your spirit acknowladge the presence of greatness

May your soul be filled with lifes greatest joy

And, may all that know you, love you...
This is my prayer for you.

Love,
Mom
XOXO